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Jul. 26th, 2023 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
babydracoMom and I were supposed to go on a work roadtrip, but she didn't feel well. She said over FB Messenger "Dad wants to come up and see you though". Okay! Why couldn't he tell me that himself?
So I knew he was supposed to come over, at least I got that much warning. He does that, he'll show up at my place without warning, thinking it's some sort of fun surprise, when I've repeatedly told everyone to NOT DO THAT. I don't like surprises, I've made that very clear. And when I'm not planning to go out, I'm not prepared to go out, I haven't had time to put my "normal person" costume on. I also, believe it or not, have things to do! I have appointments and plans, even if they're not...overflowing. Sometimes you'll come to my house without warning me and I- I- won't be there.
Mom does this sometimes too. She got me theater tickets for a night I had already bought tickets for another show, so I had to rush from one show to the other so neither of us wasted our money. I have a standing therapy appointment every other week at 10 on Wed. Recently, Mom and I had planned to meet up to go lavender picking that same day at 11. I believed I had an appointment that day but figured I could easily do both. At 9 a.m Mom contacts me to say she's coming up at "10 or 10:30" instead. No "do you mind?" just, that's what's happening. I didn't actually have an appointment after all, but if I had, and I hadn't seen that message, I'd be off somewhere else when she showed up.
I am 41 years old, I live in my own apartment in a different town, I have my own income and I have my own car. I shouldn't have to clear my schedule with my family two weeks in advance. It almost feels like they're more involved in and controlling of my life in certain areas than they were twenty years ago because I used to have more going on and now they just assume I'm not doing anything. ???
The "10 or 1030" type of statement irks me too, because it might be as late as 1030 but I'd better be ready to go just in case it's 10. Because while other people are allowed to take their time showing up, I am not allowed to make people wait. If I"M supposed to be somewhere by 10 and I'm 8 minutes late, I get a text, a FB message and a phone call asking where I am.
This time I knew in advance, but I had to guess at what time he'd show up, because I heard nothing from him until he was in my parking lot.
I find this genuinely insulting, as it all implies my time is less valuable than anyone else's, and that people assume I just sit there staring at the wall until someone shows up to entertain me. It is a stark, embarrassing reminder of how people see me and what they assume about my life.
(both my parents have a tendency to not retain certain type sof information. If I say "I'd like this" or "please don't do that", sometimes they'll remember that for life, and other times it's like they just don't hear me. And I can't help thinking they're not retaining certain types of information because *they don't want to*)
So I knew he was supposed to come over, at least I got that much warning. He does that, he'll show up at my place without warning, thinking it's some sort of fun surprise, when I've repeatedly told everyone to NOT DO THAT. I don't like surprises, I've made that very clear. And when I'm not planning to go out, I'm not prepared to go out, I haven't had time to put my "normal person" costume on. I also, believe it or not, have things to do! I have appointments and plans, even if they're not...overflowing. Sometimes you'll come to my house without warning me and I- I- won't be there.
Mom does this sometimes too. She got me theater tickets for a night I had already bought tickets for another show, so I had to rush from one show to the other so neither of us wasted our money. I have a standing therapy appointment every other week at 10 on Wed. Recently, Mom and I had planned to meet up to go lavender picking that same day at 11. I believed I had an appointment that day but figured I could easily do both. At 9 a.m Mom contacts me to say she's coming up at "10 or 10:30" instead. No "do you mind?" just, that's what's happening. I didn't actually have an appointment after all, but if I had, and I hadn't seen that message, I'd be off somewhere else when she showed up.
I am 41 years old, I live in my own apartment in a different town, I have my own income and I have my own car. I shouldn't have to clear my schedule with my family two weeks in advance. It almost feels like they're more involved in and controlling of my life in certain areas than they were twenty years ago because I used to have more going on and now they just assume I'm not doing anything. ???
The "10 or 1030" type of statement irks me too, because it might be as late as 1030 but I'd better be ready to go just in case it's 10. Because while other people are allowed to take their time showing up, I am not allowed to make people wait. If I"M supposed to be somewhere by 10 and I'm 8 minutes late, I get a text, a FB message and a phone call asking where I am.
This time I knew in advance, but I had to guess at what time he'd show up, because I heard nothing from him until he was in my parking lot.
I find this genuinely insulting, as it all implies my time is less valuable than anyone else's, and that people assume I just sit there staring at the wall until someone shows up to entertain me. It is a stark, embarrassing reminder of how people see me and what they assume about my life.
(both my parents have a tendency to not retain certain type sof information. If I say "I'd like this" or "please don't do that", sometimes they'll remember that for life, and other times it's like they just don't hear me. And I can't help thinking they're not retaining certain types of information because *they don't want to*)
