babydraco

My love language is Providing. Well, I guess as my sister pointed out, technically that would be Gift Giving according to the original list. But I have always wanted to take care of people materially, not being particularly good at the emotional side of things. I have always wanted to be the person who has whatever you need, whether it's a pen or an umbrella or a candy bar or a spare room. I wanted to grow up to make a lot of money not just because it means power, control, and independence but also because it means being able to help people I care about. I wanted a big house so I could have guests over in a comfortable way, they could use the bathroom discreetly, if they needed to get away from other guests or wanted to sit out side, they could, if I wanted to go to bed I could just say "Okay guys, I'm taking a nap, lock the door behind you, or you can take the spare room or the couch, breakfast is in the fridge" and then not have to see or hear them again until I felt like it. BUT know that they're comfortable, they have soap, clean sheets, etc, and that they know they can always come and stay. I want everyone in my life to feel safe and like they have everything they need and if they don't they can get it from me.

(edit I know if this account had a wider audience someone would still be interpreting this post as "whining because she doesn't have a mansion". And no, you don't need a mansion to supply everything I'm talking about. You just need a house that's the way you want it, and I have seen average sized houses that were perfect, people worked wonders with the little working class homes in my neighborhood growing up. The details of the material things I was unable to get are not that important)

This whole provider thing is why I was confused when my mother said she felt guilty for getting a full time job instead of staying home with us. 1) We had no choice, thanks Reagan, 2) it's lucky she started work at the same time I started elementary school, because if we'd been home alone together much longer we would have destroyed each other. We're fine now, don't worry! But at the time, WHOAH. 3) To me, going out and making money for your family is the DREAM. Also, she had a cool job, which she trained for and most people don't get to say that. It wasn't like she was slinging burgers or filing TPS reports. She was a journalist, which allowed us to see all sorts of interesting things in interesting places and get into so so many shows for free and eat so many comped meals. Experiences made up for not having much money.

Anyway, I have failed not only to provide for my family but to provide adequately for myself. I can't make people understand what an ultimate failure of everything I wanted and needed (in my head and heart) to be that is to me.

Mom and I were supposed to go on a work roadtrip, but she didn't feel well. She said over FB Messenger "Dad wants to come up and see you though". Okay! Why couldn't he tell me that himself?

So I knew he was supposed to come over, at least I got that much warning. He does that, he'll show up at my place without warning, thinking it's some sort of fun surprise, when I've repeatedly told everyone to NOT DO THAT. I don't like surprises, I've made that very clear. And when I'm not planning to go out, I'm not prepared to go out, I haven't had time to put my "normal person" costume on. I also, believe it or not, have things to do! I have appointments and plans, even if they're not...overflowing. Sometimes you'll come to my house without warning me and I- I- won't be there.


Mom does this sometimes too. She got me theater tickets for a night I had already bought tickets for another show, so I had to rush from one show to the other so neither of us wasted our money. I have a standing therapy appointment every other week at 10 on Wed. Recently, Mom and I had planned to meet up to go lavender picking that same day at 11. I believed I had an appointment that day but figured I could easily do both. At 9 a.m Mom contacts me to say she's coming up at "10 or 10:30" instead. No "do you mind?" just, that's what's happening. I didn't actually have an appointment after all, but if I had, and I hadn't seen that message, I'd be off somewhere else when she showed up.

I am 41 years old, I live in my own apartment in a different town, I have my own income and I have my own car. I shouldn't have to clear my schedule with my family two weeks in advance. It almost feels like they're more involved in and controlling of my life in certain areas than they were twenty years ago because I used to have more going on and now they just assume I'm not doing anything. ???

The "10 or 1030" type of statement irks me too, because it might be as late as 1030 but I'd better be ready to go just in case it's 10. Because while other people are allowed to take their time showing up, I am not allowed to make people wait. If I"M supposed to be somewhere by 10 and I'm 8 minutes late, I get a text, a FB message and a phone call asking where I am.

This time I knew in advance, but I had to guess at what time he'd show up, because I heard nothing from him until he was in my parking lot.

I find this genuinely insulting, as it all implies my time is less valuable than anyone else's, and that people assume I just sit there staring at the wall until someone shows up to entertain me. It is a stark, embarrassing reminder of how people see me and what they assume about my life.


(both my parents have a tendency to not retain certain type sof information. If I say "I'd like this" or "please don't do that", sometimes they'll remember that for life, and other times it's like they just don't hear me. And I can't help thinking they're not retaining certain types of information because *they don't want to*)

FIC: No Mistakes 1/2

The end of Guns N Roses as told as if it was the breakup of a marriage between Axl and Female!Slash (the same version who appeared in my previous Chicago 7 crossover fic November Rain).

For Slash in her 30s, I'm kinda fancasting Jessica Szohr with much much bigger hair? IDK.

While all the incidents I describe re Slash and Steven's early experiences are entirely made up, it's apparently canon that the characters mentioned did become sexually active that young (not afawk with each other, but in general).

I left off where I did, because I'd really be interested in giving Slash a new love interest, but I don't know who I'm going to pick (or if it'll be a real person or an OC). I'm really trying to avoid character bashing here or over exaggerating the situation. Axl's being a jerk like he was genuinely capable of being, but I also feel really really bad for him.

My title is inspired by Patty Smyth's 1992 song “No Mistakes”. But this title might be changed. I'm also not sure how often she should be referred to as Slash (does he call himself Slash in his own head?) This won't be going up on A03 for awhile yet bc I have a lot of other things to do. I can't promise this story will have any actual sex in it, either. I don't know yet.


Warnings for references to domestic abuse, revenge porn and underage sex (including prostitution).


( part one )

the Besame "Mrs Banks" set arrived a couple of days ago, thanks to a discount code. It's beautiful, and came with a pack of Bert's sidewalk paintings made into postcards. I love the details they put into their limited edition products.

At Walmart, I found the new Sinful Colors polishes, they're scented and the theme is "self care". I didn't get my hands on the food scented line, since most places I could find selling those wanted me to buy the whole set nd I only wanted couple. Not sure how on board I am with scented polishes.

I picked up "Coffee", "Lavender" and "Milky Bath". Coffee and Lavender smell like you'd expect. Coffee is quite strong. If you're wondering what Milky Bath smells like, it's...goats milk soap with rose water. To my nose anyway.

The KVD Edge of Reality eyeshadow palette with arrive tomorrow (along with one of the mini liquid lipsticks). This was their holiday item, and it was on sale at Ulta despite great reviews. Everyone who actually bought it turned out to love it...but it was on sale for $18 because not a lot of people wanted to, well, buy it. There's nothing wrong with their products, but after the mess with Kat leaving the company, they've been floundering re their identity. People didn't want their stuff because they were confused about what was going on, and the company's highly mockable fumbling in the PR department.

EDIT
The scented polishes are decent. For $2 nail polish, they cover well and are reasonably pigmented. They dry fast and haven't chipped yet. The scent dissipates within a few hours, but it does cover the smell of cheap nail polish. This is a popular brand for a reason.

The KvD eyeshadows are okay. They're not worth more than I paid, but the packaging is recyclable and the colors are pretty and usable. But the liquid lip, I LOVE. I'd buy another color if they had another color I could wear, but I'm not sure they do. Goes on neatly and creamily, dries down quickly, stays put without being painfully drying on the lips. My first experiences with liquid lipstick were from Colourpop, because everyone raved about them. Most of the ones I tried, I hated. Colourpop makes a lot of amazing products but I hate their liquid lips. But then I bought Sheer Patina from Stila and loved that. Eyeshadow you can cheap out on, liquid lipstick, I'm thinking, it's better you don't.





vv

If I did one thing differently with Lay Down (Candles in the Rain) it would've been to make Tammy less feminist at first. Insert a few more lines indicating she's more of an "I'm not a feminist but..." girl and ends up reeling from the shock that she's no longer protected the way she's used to being? IDK, maybe I can tweak it some time in the future, or refer to her thoughts on that in an outtake. It feels a little weird that a man had to explain intersectionality to her but that seems actually in character for like, all versions of this pairing (Tom started out thinking cultural revolution wasn't that important, Abbie knew exactly how important it really was).

(I think her offscreen convo with Deborah Johnson would clear some stuff up too. It would take the place of the Bobby Seale "the seven of you have the same father" convo because I'm pretty sure everyone would veto Tammy going to see him in prison)

So I think, judging from the hits to each fic, people prefer girl!Abbie Hoffman to girl!Tom Hayden. To be fair, girl!Abbie is more fun to write and there's more I think I could have done with that (she and Tom have the potential for a Dharma and Greg vibe).

Like, one pairing says "Kind of bittersweet comedy about a guy in love with a weird girl" and the other says, "he means well but this guy might ruin her life".

(both versions of Tom also have different relationships with both versions of Rubin, because I think some of the traits that make a woman feel kind of safe with a guy, a guy might find worrying in a woman *contemplative emoji*).

Or maybe it's something to do with timing, and tags.

I also feel strongly that there's a scene missing, and it's doing something to the pacing but can't think of what to put there.


I got a sewing machine for Christmas. It's actually something I've wanted for years. Just need to find a place to set it up. Maybe in the new apartment. Because...I heard from the place I wanted to get into. Their waitlist opened in September and none of the people I asked to keep an eye out for me did or told me this. It was my aunt who let me know. But they still have places, and this is only Phase One, there's more construction of other units on the way, and I'm not exactly homeless right now.

When I say "genderswap" I really mean "cisswap/Rule 63", on A03 a tag for that is "Alternate Universe-Always a Different Sex". It's an AU in which at least one character who is cis in canon, is born into a world where they are a different cis gender than the one they are in canon. If that makes sense. They're unaware that there was ever another possibility. You have to take that, and figure out how the story would go, how it might change with this one simple alteration.

Of course you could take an existing female character and try to tell a different side of the story, or use an OC, but those are different genres. This isn't about trans characters and it's not about "hur hur, he woke up a girl!" or any sort of spell or curse. It's also not about wanting to write slash but being afraid to.I know that used to be a thing, but it hasn't been a thing for years, not since slash became a widespread, almost socially acceptable tradition. I almost never write het Rule 63 for a pairing I wouldn't write regular slash for. I've done it once, and that pairing is not one I ship, it's *supposed* to be weird.

I've noticed that the overwhelming majority of modern Rule 63 fic is first, concentrated mainly on swapping cis men to cis women, and second, written for canons which lack female characters or lack *good* ones or are deemed to have serious gender politics issues. I've been in the fanfic community for 20 years, and I can say I don't see much Rule 63 for canons which are ensemble pieces for female characters, or which feature a cast where the genders are pretty balanced. While I can think of a couple fandoms where I'd love to see a They're All Boys AU, I don't run into those often.

I'm a bit obsessed with Trial of the Chicago 7 at the moment, but I am able to admit it isn't good with the female characters. Like, there aren't any of real significance, which I'm sure can't possibly be historically accurate. Sorkin just doesn't do well with female characters. The emotions of the male friendships really stand out though, and people have commented that while he thinks political commentary is his strength, it really lies in his portrayal of emotional male friendships.

But I've somehow ended up writing Rule 63 for it. Because see above. When confronted with a cast where all the main characters/anyone with significant screen time is male, I immediately think "what if half these people were girls?"

Remember that How I Met Your Mother scene where Barney reveals that he assumed Johnny from Cobra Kai was the hero of The Karate Kid?

And what if Netflix made a show that has a sympathetic redemption arc for him? Johnny from Cobra Kai, not Barney Stinson.

Lots of spoilers, and long story short, I really like it.

( My school got taken over by a weird karate cult )

Riverdale Season 4

( Read more... )

( On the Charmed reboot vs the Original )

I would also add that there are other reasons besides "they're too old" that probably prevented The CW from bringing the original cast back. Meaning, the network may not want to have to deal with three out of the four of those particular actresses, while Kaley Cuoco's character was extremely unpopular...


The show itself is decently entertaining and well done. It's not life changing to me but I would say it's better in certain ways than say, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. You heard me.